An Audience of One

This afternoon, I overheard Jordan and Jessie sword fighting. Jessie was yelling, “All for one and one for one!”

I mentioned to her that the proper way to say the chant was, “All for one and one for all!” But she just couldn’t get it. So off they went shouting, “All for one and one for one!”

Which got me thinking. . . How much energy do I spend throughout the day living with a one for all mentality? Trying, on my own, to please everyone, make everyone happy and meet everyone’s needs?

I want to live one for One. In all that I do, to seek and pursue the praise that comes from the One, Jesus Christ.

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10)

The Generous Life

A couple of months ago as some guests were leaving our home, Jessica began showering the children with toys as they left. She had several dolls and stuffed animals that she was liberally giving away.

I was so proud to see my daughter selflessly giving her things to other children. Then from the other room, I hear my son yell, “Hey that’s my toy!” And then my daughter, “And that’s my stuffed animal!”

Jessica was liberally giving away her brother’s and sister’s stuff! She didn’t have difficulty giving it because it wasn’t her stuff to begin with.

Which made me think. . . Maybe if I saw everything that I have been given, as God’s and not really mine anyway, maybe then I would find it easier to liberally and generously give it away?

Oops, We Lost Your Stuff

Move #11: from Los Angeles, CA to Nashville, TN

This is the final moving story I’ll share. I could go on, but hasn’t it been painful enough? Since Gregg concluded his On the Move series last week, I’ll move on to something else (no pun intended).

When we made the massive cross-country move from LA to Nashville, our ministry found a pretty good deal for us with a moving company. Since we were moving 6 months ahead of the rest of the office, there was only one other family moving at the same time. They chose a smaller, lesser known company.

Having been on the road for over a month, we were really excited to move into our new home and unpack our stuff. When the movers finally arrived, they got out of the moving van looking a little rattled.

Apparently, they can usually fit about three client's stuff per truck. Because our ministry only had two clients at the time, another client's stuff was loaded onto the truck with ours.

Believe it or not, their other client was smuggling drugs. The FBI had been tracking the truck and somewhere between Los Angles and Nashville they made their raid. Scent dogs and all, they stormed the van and began a massive search for the loot.

Good news? The FBI found 150lbs. of drugs hidden on the truck. Bad news? The FBI and their dogs are not very gentle with stuff when performing a drug raid. In fact, they couldn’t fit some of the stuff back onto the truck and just left it. Most of our things arrived damaged, some were completely destroyed and other things just never showed up.

Not quite sure who’s to blame. A few follow up calls to the moving company and they had disconnected their phone and appeared to have closed shop.

As they unloaded our stuff piece by broken piece, I learned a few things:

- Cheaper isn’t always better.

- It’s just stuff. And that stuff can sometimes have a stronger hold on our lives than it should.

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? Luke 9:25

Searching for Jojo

In my last blog, I mentioned that only twice has my search for one of my children continued so long that I broke down in tears. Last Saturday was my second, this was my first experience:

It had been the perfect Easter day. A wonderful afternoon with friends that had extended well into the evening. It was now after 9:00 pm and time to gather our children and head for home.

The children all ran outside with their friends for one last minute of fun while I gathered the few remaining items. When we finally began loading everyone into the car, we realized that Jordan was nowhere to be found. Gregg ran inside to get him but couldn’t find him either.

That sick feeling rushed through my body. My stomach sank and my heart began to race. There were at least 12 of us looking everywhere for him and although we would loudly call out his name throughout the house and neighborhood, all we would hear in response was a dark eerie silence.

Amanda and Rick began searching one end of the street, while I took the other. Tina began frantically looking through every closet and spare space inside her home. Tina’s brother got a flashlight and began searching the woods in the back of their house while Gregg and Paul searched anywhere and everywhere they could imagine a four year old boy would wander. As all of our panic intensified, the time dragged on.

After what seemed an eternity (it actually was only about 15 min), we really thought it was about time to call the police. Then Tina found him.

Apparently, Jordan had crawled under one of the boys beds trying to retrieve one of his Easter eggs that had rolled out of his little reach. His shirt became caught on something and he couldn’t get out. He was stuck.

When we asked him why he didn’t respond when several of us came into the room calling (freakishly shouting) his name, he said it was because he had gum in his mouth. (Since when have my boys been concerned about talking with their mouth’s full?) He also said he thought it would be fun to scare daddy. (He didn’t take into account the many other adults who were sent into a frenetic panic.)

We all collapsed, emotionally drained and physically exhausted, breathing a big sigh of relief, thankful to be able to bring all of our children safely home.

Funny though, if you were to ask Jordan about the incident, he would tell you that he wasn’t lost. Just stuck.

Many Christians, in certain seasons and circumstances, find their relationship with God in a similar place. Stuck. Stuck in sin, stuck with the repercussions of bad choices, stuck with their bad habits and attitudes, and helpless to change. Unable to move forward.

How it must grieve God. Those children He loves, created and died for, just stuck. In those seasons, may we find the strength, power and grace that God supplies to move forward one day at a time.

Searching for Justin

One of the scariest experiences a parent can have is not being able to find their child. Only twice has my search for them gone so long that I was reduced to tears. Today was one of them.

Justin had finished his soccer game and we were now at Jordan’s game. About halfway through the third quarter, we realized that Justin had disappeared. We looked everywhere. Other fields, playgrounds, bathrooms. . . couldn’t find him anywhere. My heart began to race. It wasn’t like him to wander off without telling us—and he had just been sitting with us minutes before!

It was well into the fourth quarter when one of the parents shouted to us from across the field, “He’s over here!” Justin was just sitting on some steps, but a concrete wall had blocked him from our view.

After the whole experience, Gregg told me I shouldn’t have panicked. But I’m a mother. Can you expect anything less from a mother who can’t find her lost child?

How desperately God must feel towards his lost children.

“I will search for the lost and bring back the strays.” Ezekiel 34:16

“In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.” Matthew 18:14

We're Gonna Die!

Move #13: Nashville, TN to Honolulu, HI

When our family made the massive cross country, trans-Pacific move from Tennessee to Hawaii last summer, Gregg and I thought that it would be an exciting “family bonding adventure” to drive our minivan across the country. We loaded up our five children and packed all of our remaining stuff strategically around them. There was barely room to breathe.

About halfway into our drive as we were leaving Kansas and approaching the Colorado border, the beautiful weather we had been enjoying suddenly changed dramatically. While it was only four in the afternoon, the sky grew eerily dark and the winds became so strong that you could see funnel clouds off in the distance. Although we had only lived in Tennessee for two years, we had learned quickly what tornado weather looked like. We did not like what we saw.

To make matters worse, we began to hear a loud thumping noise coming from the top of our car. It was our Yakima carrier, filled with more of our stuff. The wind had damaged it and it was loose, threatening to break. We were heading into tornado weather with no town or exit in sight (Gregg had always wondered what would happen if one of those broke off, now with his golf clubs inside he was hoping to not experience it firsthand).

Then, very quietly at first, one of our children began to chant, “We’re gonna die! We’re gonna die! We’re gonna die!” As fear can be very contagious, within minutes, all five of our children were screaming in unison, “We’re gonna die!” I looked at Gregg and had one thought, “We’re gonna die!”

Thankfully, we didn’t. We made it to the next town, Gregg was able to fix our carrier, the weather cleared and we were on our way to Denver for the night.

What I learned from this experience:

- Next time, fly.

- Fear can paralyze us and cause us to question what God has called us to do.

- When we’re afraid, God is with us to strengthen us.

“Fear not, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. . .” Isaiah 41:10

Security Blankets

Today, I sent my oldest son, Brandon, off to 5^th grade camp for three days. Where has the time gone? Although I still have a couple more moving stories to share, here is one of my favorite Brandon stories:

For some reason, things were just better for Brandon when he had it with him. The dark wasn’t as scary, boo-boos didn’t hurt as much, and mommy and daddy leaving him with a babysitter just wasn’t as difficult. When he felt uneasy, it comforted him; when he was scared, it calmed his fears; when he was tired, it gave him peace.

Brandon used to drag his blanket around like Linus from the Peanuts gang. As the years passed, it grew old and tattered, but his love and devotion to it remained strong. That is, until that fateful day when Brandon placed it on the hot stove shortly after I had finished cooking. Don’t be alarmed; we didn’t have to call the Fire Department. There were no open flames, just a smoldering, smoky smell that filled the house. Brandon’s much-loved white blankie from that day forward resembled an overdone marshmallow.

That day Brandon burned his security blanket. You may not be dragging a blanket around with you, but do you have other “security blankets” that need to be burned or thrown away? Where do you look for your security?

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.” Psalm 62:5

Oops, We're Having a Baby and We Have No Place to Live

Move #9: from San Diego, CA to Los Angeles, CA

If you were to ask Gregg which move was most difficult, he would probably say, hands down, this one from San Diego to Los Angeles. Many circumstances made it challenging, but the looming stress-factor was the fact that our fourth child was within weeks of being born, and we had no place to live.

Finally, we gave up looking, rented a two-bedroom apartment and put a lot of our stuff in storage. And with boxes everywhere, our little Jordan was born. In hindsight, although our new home was a tight squeeze, it was a blessing in many ways. In fact, we stayed there until Jessica was born.

Here’s what I learned:

- If at all possible, don’t move when you’re 36 weeks pregnant.

- You can trust God to lead you through the dark and unknown seasons of your life.

- While our new home was small, it was affordable. We had been living on the edge financially for years and it was freeing to finally have the element of financial stress removed from our lives and our marriage.

- Wherever God calls you, his grace and strength will sustain you.